Rants and raves from around the celebrosphere

In the first place, the James Bond series does not have the mass appeal and celebrity status it once did. It is only the scandals (such as Amy Winehouse’s drug induced attempt to sing a Bond theme) that keep the aging franchise limping along.

Now, there are not one, but two autobiographies being written by former Bonds. To us, that seems one too many.

Granted, a book about the life of Sean Connery has potential. The 78-year-old football star, professional bodybuilder, actor, model, and producer has stuck his foot (and his mouth) into more than one mess over the years, including his infamous statement that it is okay to smack women around to keep them in line.

Connery was the first (and best) Bond, portraying the international spy from 1962 to his final appearance as “Grandpa” Bond in 1983.

A whole book by the rugged, obnoxious Scot? This could be some real entertainment.

But an autobiography by Roger Moore? Other than his 12-year stint as Connery’s Bond replacement from 1973 to 1985, Moore’s only other big claim to fame is having the honor of being the guest host on the last episode of The Muppet Show.

We’re not kidding.

So unless Moore plans to reveal rampant cocaine use on set, homosexual trysts, or admit being the father of 10 or 12 illegitimate children, his biography should really consist of 8 or 10 pages, then a chapter of the “Bond years”, and then another 8 or 10 pages. We can’t imagine that he is interesting enough to fill an entire book.

Then again, someone out there bought biographies about the Osmonds, so boring does occasionally sell.

Moore’s “My Word Is My Bond” is due out November 4. Connery’s “Being a Scot” is currently in bookstores.