Rants and raves from around the celebrosphere

Oh, MySpace hackers, they never rest. Carrie Underwood’s Myspace was hacked this weekend and she’s not at all thrilled. She was tricked by a mobile phone ring tone promotion.

Kanye West has a run in with the law at the LAX Airport for vandalism.
West allegedly ruined a paparazzo’s 10,000-dollar camera.
He was arrested earlier today (September 11) at 7:51 a.m. outside of the passenger screening area.

In the first place, the James Bond series does not have the mass appeal and celebrity status it once did. It is only the scandals (such as Amy Winehouse’s drug induced attempt to sing a Bond theme) that keep the aging franchise limping along.

Now, there are not one, but two autobiographies being written by former Bonds. To us, that seems one too many.

Granted, a book about the life of Sean Connery has potential. The 78-year-old football star, professional bodybuilder, actor, model, and producer has stuck his foot (and his mouth) into more than one mess over the years, including his infamous statement that it is okay to smack women around to keep them in line.

Connery was the first (and best) Bond, portraying the international spy from 1962 to his final appearance as “Grandpa” Bond in 1983.

A whole book by the rugged, obnoxious Scot? This could be some real entertainment.

But an autobiography by Roger Moore? Other than his 12-year stint as Connery’s Bond replacement from 1973 to 1985, Moore’s only other big claim to fame is having the honor of being the guest host on the last episode of The Muppet Show.

We’re not kidding.

So unless Moore plans to reveal rampant cocaine use on set, homosexual trysts, or admit being the father of 10 or 12 illegitimate children, his biography should really consist of 8 or 10 pages, then a chapter of the “Bond years”, and then another 8 or 10 pages. We can’t imagine that he is interesting enough to fill an entire book.

Then again, someone out there bought biographies about the Osmonds, so boring does occasionally sell.

Moore’s “My Word Is My Bond” is due out November 4. Connery’s “Being a Scot” is currently in bookstores.

Jessica Simpson recently performed at the California State Fair on Monday. During one of her songs the audience got to see how she was still emotional because of her breakup with Nick Lachey. After Jessica finished singing her single Come On Over (nearly in tears) she told the audience “That’s a hard song to sing up here.” Then in her fourth song “Sippin on History”, she talked to the audience about her broken heart. “I’ll be singing a lot about a heart that’s been … (pause) broken to pieces,” Jessica finally stated before singing the fourth song. “And putting those pieces back together so I can be a good girlfriend to someone else.” 

photo credit: weblogs.newsday.com 

Once again, rap music’s shining reputation is back in the spotlight.

This time, it is female rapper “Da Brat” dat is in da news. Superior Court Judge Gail Flake sentenced Brat, whose real name is Shawntae Harris, to three years in prison for aggravated assault involving an incident last October. During a Halloween party at Studio 72, da loser smashed a bottle into the face of Atlanta Falcons cheerleader Shayla Stevens, causing deep cuts and a permanent scar.

Da thug said that da cheerleader bumped into her at da party.

Da judge sentenced da rapper to three years in prison, seven years of probation, 200 hours of community service, completion of substance abuse treatment, a mental evaluation, and anger management classes.

Just a reminder for any up-and-coming rappers: the music business is a good place for someone to have an IMAGE…it does not necessarily obligate you to be a thug. The music industry is one place where it is okay to be “frontin’.” If you need examples, look at Ice Cube, who currently stars in family friendly motion pictures. How about Snoop Dog, who has exploited his celebrity to da point that if he showed up in the streets of Compton these days, he would be laughed off the block.

If you are dumb enough to actually do da things dat you rap about, then maybe prison will be a good wake up call for you.

And dat’s da truth.

For better or worse, the sharp tongued and foul mouthed comedienne Margaret Cho is back.

A new reality series starring the political funnywoman, The Cho Show, has debuted on VH1. The premise of the show follows Margaret on her quest for recognition and fame as a stand-up performer, gay diva, and rebellious daughter. Along for the ride are Cho’s personal assistant, hairdresser, makeup artist, and, best of all, her parents, who have been the butt of her routines and a fan favorite since the beginning of her career almost 20 years ago.

The premiere episode follows Margaret in turmoil, as she debates whether to accept an achievement award from the Korean community, which has shunned and ridiculed her in the past. The setup and style of the show is a blatant rip off of Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List, yet somehow seems more forced and scripted than its predecessor. As a result, most of the charm and wit of Griffin’s show is lost here, and you find yourself not really caring about the events going on around Cho.

Normally, this would signal a real train wreck of a show, but Margaret Cho saves the premise by being so %^&$# funny! Showing that middle age and marriage have not softened her cynical view of the world, specifically conservatives (this is the woman who speculated that Barbara Bush’s…more delicate areas may suffer from an overabundance of Lysol, and is amazed that George Bush still cannot even say the word “nuclear”), Cho’s wit and comic timing are still intact.

Work on the show, Margaret, before you let it become fodder for other comedians’ stand-up routines.

Despite the Olympics going on right now Jennifer Lopez has announced that she will be training for a triathlon. She recently did an interview about it on the show Good Morning America. She said she was specifically training for the Malibu Triathlon on September 14^th. One thing she has been emphasizing besides the strenuous training everyday is that it is a pretty big feat to be training because she just had twins six months ago. JLo said that this should be inspirational for people and also an interesting story to follow. On the other hand it can be seen as frustrating for her because most of America’s attention is on the Olympics. People are not as concerned with her, but are especially focused on the Olympic gymnastics and Michael Phelps. JLo dosen’t think this could possibly be as important and that her story should be the big story right now. 

 photo credit: www.staralicious.com

Comedienne Kathy Griffin, who has started to resemble space alien Cher as of late, has stated that she is done with plastic surgery.

“I’ve been off the junk, as I call it, for five years,” Griffin said. “It didn’t get me happier or make me look particularly younger.”

After having extensive face work done, Griffin also has LASIK surgery on her eyes. When that experience turned into a nightmare, she began questioning the wisdom of enhancements and body work. An outspoken opponent of LASIK surgery, Griffin now says that plastic surgery is not necessary for improving ones self-esteem.

Griffin’s comedic talents have pushed her into the spotlight, although she continues to call her reality show My Life on the D-List. Gaining a reputation for insulting fellow celebrities and being outrageous, her latest antics include releasing a CD just so she can win a Grammy, and “dating” Apple co-founder and billionaire Steve Wozniak.

As a side note, we hope that her new relationship really is a publicity stunt. Wozniak is rich, but he is also completely socially backward and not exactly fit. Not our first choice as a match for the extroverted (or, obnoxiously in-your-face, if you will) Griffin.

Hey Kathy, if you were undergoing plastic surgery in order to be desirable, we have a hint for you. Quit spending all of your time with gay men! We know that is the fan base that pays your bills, but there ARE a few straight single men in California! Maybe not many…it may take some searching, but they are out there.

“I like my body now,” she added. “For 47, I look pretty darn good.”

Well it should. After all, at this point it is 75 percent silicone.

Oh, we’re sorry, Kathy. Allegedly 75 percent silicone.

Well it’s divorce #3 for singer Phil Collins.

Proving that “you can’t hurry love” and all that’s left “in the air tonight” is animosity, 3rd wife Orianne Cevey, 35, just might get a $46.68 million divorce settlement, making this the most expensive divorce in Britain’s history…beating even gold digger Heather Mills’ $45 million settlement from Sir Paul McCartney.

For Phil, who has turned a career as the drummer and then lead singer of a legitimate progressive rock band into a schmaltzy solo career that would make lounge lizards cringe in horror, this is turning into a regular occurrence. If you add up the money he is shelling out to his own personal ex-wives’s club, it amounts to ONE-THIRD of his TOTAL net worth.

We’re sure that losing that chunk of change makes it very hard for Collins to sing “I Don’t Care Anymore”.

Not that we are sympathizing with the 57-year-old wannabe comedian. Proving that he suffers from a severe lack of ethics and compassion, he sent his second wife a fax informing her that she was being dumped (ex-wife #2 received $34 million after that little faux pas).

We think it is unfair that his ex-wives should get all of Phil’s money. Don’t we, the public, get anything to make up for subjecting us to the excruciating tortures of “I Can’t Dance” or the embarrassing remake of “True Colors”? Where is our settlement? Who is going to pay for all of the therapy bills? Who is going to cover the cost of all the innocent radios that have been viciously destroyed when a gut-wrenching hunk of cheese by Phil Collins blared through the speakers?

Recently, Amy Winehouse worked on creating a James Bond theme song for the upcoming James Bond movie Quantum of Solace. Winehouse was the first choice for the theme song by movie producers although her song was not accepted. Alicia Keys and Jack White’s collaborated song was chosen instead. Winehouse thinks that her rejected theme song is better than the chosen one and is planning to release her own song around the same time to prove her point. She told reporters, “I want to prove they have made a big mistake… I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine - and I am tempted to do it on the same day - this would be the bigger hit. If they change their minds, I am waiting!”