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Naked Brothers Band - Operation MoJo Airs Saturday Nov. 22 8pm (est)

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Mother-of-three Faith Hill poses in a bikini for the first time on the cover of December’s Shape.

The country crooner says she has always been was “very athletic, playing basketball and softball and running track.

“But in my 20s and 30s, I’d go through phases with exercise, working out for four weeks before a big tour or video shoot and not doing much afterward. Then I had three kids and turned 40, so I decided to make a lifestyle change.”

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The pop singer was arrested yet again September 19 for possession of drugs. The singer of “Monkey” and “I Want Your Sex” was cautioned by police after he was found (in a public toilet, of course) with crack cocaine and cannabis on his person.

This is just the latest brush with the law for Michael, usually involving either drugs or sex (or both). After his most famous arrest in 1998 for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a park restroom, he was found slumped over in his car in 2006 after weaving all over the road like Lindsey Lohan running from photographers. Later that same year, he was found again slumped over in his car and this time admitted to driving while on drugs.

This time, he lost his license and got a lecture.

Now, it seems that either the singer is getting caught on purpose for publicity, or he is just incredibly stupid. You would think he would have learned to stay out of park toilets and crack houses by now. You’re rich and famous, George, can’t you hire “people” to do your drug running for you?

“In a strange way, I’ve spent the last 15 to 20 years trying to derail my own career, but it never seems to suffer,” Michael said. “I suffer like crazy. I’ve suffered bereavements and public humiliations, but my career always seems to right itself like a plastic duck in the bath.”

That may be the drugs talking. Your career doesn’t seem so hot right now, George, since your last #1 hit in the U.S. was in 1991, and your latest greatest hits collection is your poorest selling album of all in Britain.

Our advice to you…you could do a lot worse than a stint (or two) in rehab. Think of the publicity; you can get clean, go on talk shows and break out into tears over your ordeal, write new songs and put out a “sober living” album, speak out publicly against other celebrities who are in the grips of addiction, open your own rehabilitation center, make millions of dollars, and retire with Robert Downey Jr. in the Caribbean.

Or, you can smoke a bunch of crack and cruise parks for sex. Yeah, we can see the “tough choice” dilemma here.

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The 4 1/2 foot 40-year-old allegedly tried to run over photographer Colt Rushton (is it just me, or does that sound like a great name for a porn star?) in a bowling alley parking lot. According to witnesses, “little Arnold” and Rushton got into an argument after “Colt” snapped a picture of Coleman.

This guy must have a death wish. Everyone knows that all it takes to incur the wrath of Coleman is to ask for an autograph, take a picture, or just generally acknowledge his existence.

Proving just how…ahem…short his temper is, Coleman ran his truck into Rushton and pulled the guy under the vehicle. Police reports say that Coleman was not using excessive speed during the incident (we are curious, did Coleman slide off of the phone books during impact?).

By the way, are we the only ones who find the thought of Gary Coleman in a big truck both amusing and scary at the same time?

Since both men involved refused to make a statement, police did not issue any citations at the scene, but will continue an investigation.

In 1989, the child actor sued his own parents for stealing his profits from his career. In 1998, he punched a woman who asked for his autograph. In 2007, he was charged with disorderly contact after a heated argument with then-girlfriend Shannon Price. After getting married, the couple appeared on Divorce Court earlier this year. Price complained about Coleman’s temper and fits of rage, and Coleman blamed it on being such a celebrity.

Don’t get me wrong, we are always grateful to Gary Coleman for giving us so much to work with, but enough is enough. This little dude better get some help before he kills somebody. Sure, it was funny at first, and the Divorce Court fiasco was admittedly hilarious, but the shine has worn off. The vertically challenged actor lashing out at the world is no longer that entertaining, it’s just sad.

Maybe we need to track down Willis to smack Coleman around a little and remind him that the hardships in life are, after all, small potatoes.

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Now that he has a newborn son, he feels that setting a good example is necessary. He wants to raise his son to not lie or deceive people. Read the story when People Magazine comes out and see pictures of his son.

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Resembling a Manson Family reunion, Jermaine, Tito, Randy, Jackie, Marlon, LaToya, Janet, Rebbie, and mother Katherine and father Joseph were all together in one room. Janet presented the award to her brothers, who gained fame in the late 1960s as the Jackson 5, then later as simply The Jacksons.

“It’s a great honor to know your music influenced a generation,” Tito said. “We’re very proud of this moment.”

I guess we can’t use the Clark Kent argument: Since there are photos of the event showing all of the Jacksons in the same picture, we can no longer argue that LaToya, Janet, Michael and Jermaine are actually all the same person. (We already know Tito is a different person; he is big enough to be about five LaToyas or Michaels.)

Well, almost. Once again, family patriarch Michael was a no-show. We are wondering if, because it was an evening geared at adults, he felt no need to go.

Marlon Jackson put it even better.

“I don’t know (where Michael is). I think he’s in Egypt riding a camel or something.”

We could not have put it better ourselves.

But we’ll try.

Since he now resembles not only a space alien, but a disfigured space alien, what is the point of traveling all over the world? Everyone knows what he looks like, who he is, and what he did.

Michael should have spent a day at the beach, gotten a tan, and then gone to the BMI Urban Awards with his family. It would be a good reminder that he is a grown man.

An African American grown man. An African American grown man who needs to convince people at some point to buy a few of his records, so that he can actually have something to retire on; a little cash to rent out those Egyptian camels.

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It appears that a “cease-and-desist” letter has been sent to the McCain presidential campaign by the group, who is reportedly furious that Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has used their 1970’s hit “Barracuda” as her theme song.

The song, which was played after Palin’s speech at the Republican convention, is being used as a reference to Palin’s reputation among politicians as a “barracuda.” She originally earned the name “Sarah Barracuda” in high school during her days a pushy, butch basketball player who would do anything to win.

“I feel completely f***ed over,” band member Nancy Wilson said.”Sarah Palin’s views and values in NO WAY represent us an American women.”

Spokespeople for the McCain campaign are dismissing the letter, saying that they went through the proper channels to obtain rights to the song, which is subject to open license upon payment to ASCAP, which means that the writers don’t necessarily get the final say. ASCAP collects royalties for songs on behalf of the writers.

Former Heart guitarist Roger Fisher, who is one of four co-writers of the song, said he is pleased with the use of the song and will donate his royalties to the Democrats.

“With my contribution to Obama’s campaign, the Republicans are now supporting Obama,” he said.

The campaign has also been publicly criticized and threatened with lawsuits by Van Halen and Jackson Browne for also using songs when the writers are strongly against the party.

The lyrics to the song “Barracuda” were written in 1977 by lead singer Ann Wilson about a record executive that the band called an obnoxious, out-of-touch jerk who spread vicious lies about the band in order to drum up some publicity.

Hmmm….maybe the Republican party picked the perfect song to campaign with, after all.

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Proving a music career that should never have existed in the first place can rear its ugly head over and over again, Yoko Ono has released a box set of dance remixes which desperately try to salvage some of her most embarrassing music. The name of the new release? Open Your Box. To make matters even worse, a remix of her song with husband and ex-Beatle John Lennon, “Give Peace a Chance,” has hit number one on the U.S. dance charts.

The youth of America has enough against it these days. For many, Bush and Clinton are the only presidents they have known. Unemployment is at an all-time high, and morale is at an all-time low. When these poor kids go out to clubs to escape the horrors of society, why on earth should they be subjected to Yoko Ono???

That’s just cruel.

The widow of one of the greatest singer/songwriters in history turns 76 this year. We think it is high time she hangs up her microphone….actually, it’s probably about 50 years past time.

Thankfully, it seems that Yoko is truly one-of-a-kind. Who else would release 20 minutes of silence and call it a song, or title an ode to her daughter “Don’t Worry Kyoko, Mummy’s Only Looking For Her Hand in the Snow”?

For many artists, a box set of remixes is something that happens at the end of a career. Please, Yoko, for the good of the world….we are imploring you…do not make any more music.

A world without Yoko’s mouth would be a peaceful one. It’s time to give peace a chance.

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